Tersenyumlah (Part 1)
You Don’t Know How Precious It Is To Have A Body,Do You?
Being Able To Touch And Feeling Warmth.
You Have A Voice That Someone Else Can Hear And
You Have People To Hear Your Voice.
You Can Look At Someone And Smile Together.
I Envy You…
(Shin Ji Hyun – 49 Days “Korean Drama”)
You Have A Voice That Someone Else Can Hear And
You Have People To Hear Your Voice.
You Can Look At Someone And Smile Together.
I Envy You…
(Shin Ji Hyun – 49 Days “Korean Drama”)
February 12,2011
I just can sat staring at the rain from the window kamarku.Dulu I particularly liked hujan.Saat he fell drenching the earth, it feels very sejuk.Aroma and voice can be reassuring hati.Dan rain has brought me dengannya.Namun now any rain falls, I always takut..teringat on that day and back realized I had made him go too far.
He lost it feels like the end of hidupku.Karena losing her meant I lost a father, mother, sister, lover, my best friend and myself sendiri.Tak never occurred to me that one day I would lose dia.Dan I realized that all this time he only available in my life.
I just can sat staring at the rain from the window kamarku.Dulu I particularly liked hujan.Saat he fell drenching the earth, it feels very sejuk.Aroma and voice can be reassuring hati.Dan rain has brought me dengannya.Namun now any rain falls, I always takut..teringat on that day and back realized I had made him go too far.
He lost it feels like the end of hidupku.Karena losing her meant I lost a father, mother, sister, lover, my best friend and myself sendiri.Tak never occurred to me that one day I would lose dia.Dan I realized that all this time he only available in my life.
Loving someone more than life itself is a mistake, because when he goes and leaves your life, then that moment you will think to destroy life sendiri.Namun when there is someone who is more love you more than yourself, it is a blessing that never priceless ... This is what I feel ... And could you understand ??
Sister ... I miss you ..
Sister ... I miss you ..
Today is exactly 3 years he went, but it's still fresh in ingatanku.Rentetan events of that day continue to play in mind, such as selecting mode on in the memory.
I wish I could repeat that day ..
No ..
I wish I could erase the itu..Mungkin you still disini..tertawa bersamaku..melakukan many things ..
I wish I could repeat that day ..
No ..
I wish I could erase the itu..Mungkin you still disini..tertawa bersamaku..melakukan many things ..
That day like today, it rains menyapa.Rasanya very cold and it smelled very soothing coolness hati.Namun days was not able to get rid of anger in me.
At that time I was very angry padanya.Hal very I regret until now this.I even cursing myself, my fault I lost you.
At that time I was very angry padanya.Hal very I regret until now this.I even cursing myself, my fault I lost you.
We fight when he was riding his motorcycle at speeds normal.Tapi rain as it made its way into licin.Aku circumstances make it unable to concentrate with baik.Dia trying to calm me down, but my emotions when it has blinded their eyes and heart.
"You tahu..Kali memaafkanmu.Kau I can not never let me help you".
"Forget it .."
"I hate you ...." The word - that word out of my mouth without ever I pikirkan.Ia turn round and melihatku..sorot eyes exude a sense kekecewaan.Entah why I was going to lose dia.Namun I never had a chance of weeks to say sorry to him.
"Forget it .."
"I hate you ...." The word - that word out of my mouth without ever I pikirkan.Ia turn round and melihatku..sorot eyes exude a sense kekecewaan.Entah why I was going to lose dia.Namun I never had a chance of weeks to say sorry to him.
-Arrived Arrived just highlight the bright lights menguyur kami.Lampu highlight a car body of the bend in the road that drove very fast, toward kami.Terdengar horn sounds simultaneously with rumbling wheels can only berteriak..dan mobil..aku reflex, he deflecting the bike to menghindar.Namun seems to have terlambat.Roda our motorcycle skidded and hit the guardrail in front jalan.Mobil we also can not control the direction of its speed.
An instant later, I just felt my body was thrown and hit melayang.Tubuhku sesuatu..dan blink then all of a sudden becomes a dark ...
An instant later, I just felt my body was thrown and hit melayang.Tubuhku sesuatu..dan blink then all of a sudden becomes a dark ...
*****
February 12,2011
Why are you staring ?? Is not this rain ?? You used very menyukainya..lalu why now are you sad ?? Did you miss me ??
There's nothing I can do, I'm sorry aku.Aku maaf.Sungguh not mean to like ini..membuatmu continue to feel guilty ..
Sungguh..aku never membencimu.Aku also suffer to see you like this.
If I could, I wanted to hug, caress your hair, remove any matamu.Melakukan water so you can tertawa..Setidaknya makes you smile ..
But what can I do ?? I can just look at you and cry ..
You continue to make yourself more menderita.Kau already pay to nature during ini.Membayar kesalahanmu.Jika that's what you want ... we've impas.Kini you lose segalanya.Apa else do you regret ??
So as I'm in your eyes ?? You think I would be happy to see you like this ?? I know you know you feel bersalah.Tapi menyesal.Aku look at you sekarang..kau even more miserable than aku.Kau know how valuable you for me? You are the only woman I ever loved lifetime hidupku.Aku please do not torture me like this , seeing yourself getting crushed me almost crazy ..
Do you realize ?? You have wasted hidupmu.Hidup is the most beautiful of God's grace that the Lord has berikan.Sesuatu ask me ..
Life was more lama..dan back into the dulu..Aku promise you ... I will always disini..di dekatmu..Mengawasimu ..
Why are you staring ?? Is not this rain ?? You used very menyukainya..lalu why now are you sad ?? Did you miss me ??
There's nothing I can do, I'm sorry aku.Aku maaf.Sungguh not mean to like ini..membuatmu continue to feel guilty ..
Sungguh..aku never membencimu.Aku also suffer to see you like this.
If I could, I wanted to hug, caress your hair, remove any matamu.Melakukan water so you can tertawa..Setidaknya makes you smile ..
But what can I do ?? I can just look at you and cry ..
You continue to make yourself more menderita.Kau already pay to nature during ini.Membayar kesalahanmu.Jika that's what you want ... we've impas.Kini you lose segalanya.Apa else do you regret ??
So as I'm in your eyes ?? You think I would be happy to see you like this ?? I know you know you feel bersalah.Tapi menyesal.Aku look at you sekarang..kau even more miserable than aku.Kau know how valuable you for me? You are the only woman I ever loved lifetime hidupku.Aku please do not torture me like this , seeing yourself getting crushed me almost crazy ..
Do you realize ?? You have wasted hidupmu.Hidup is the most beautiful of God's grace that the Lord has berikan.Sesuatu ask me ..
Life was more lama..dan back into the dulu..Aku promise you ... I will always disini..di dekatmu..Mengawasimu ..
*****
March 2008
I opened mataku..rasanya fun sekali..seperti panjang..dan awakened from sleep when I lay on the grass very lembut..seperti cotton ..
"Where am I ??" I tried to get up and find out where the current whereabouts ..
And ..
"Oh no, what happened ??" I feel like my body melayang.Rasanya light sekali.Dan why I wore a white dress? What I'm at a party ?? But where to go in the other ??
I think I do not know where this place really beautiful ini.Tapi sekali.Taman with the most beautiful flowers I lihat.Semua I know and I have never even seen before neatly embedded here, there is even an artificial waterfall.
I opened mataku..rasanya fun sekali..seperti panjang..dan awakened from sleep when I lay on the grass very lembut..seperti cotton ..
"Where am I ??" I tried to get up and find out where the current whereabouts ..
And ..
"Oh no, what happened ??" I feel like my body melayang.Rasanya light sekali.Dan why I wore a white dress? What I'm at a party ?? But where to go in the other ??
I think I do not know where this place really beautiful ini.Tapi sekali.Taman with the most beautiful flowers I lihat.Semua I know and I have never even seen before neatly embedded here, there is even an artificial waterfall.
... It's not a real waterfall is very beautiful ..
Am I still in my country ?? Does this belong to a noble ?? Or is it sights ?? Oh Tuhan..aku really - really do not know where I sekarang..Taman this immense, but if there is no one single person here ??
As I berjalan..tiba suddenly I saw someone from kejauhan.Aku not sure what I mengenalnya.Tapi seems the man walked into arahku.Mungkin I could ask him something ..
When he started to get closer, I felt like mengenalnya.Dari distance she looks very not asing.Dia..seperti ..
"Brother ..." I immediately approached him and hugged him ..
Ya..aku mengenalnya..sangat mengenalnya.Dia is my brother one-satunya.Tapi why he is also here ?? She also wore her clothes look more radiant putih.Tapi than aku.Tubuhnya such as issuing light putih.Indah once ..
"Kak..sedang what are you doing here ?? And why I'm also here ?? Actually, what is this place ?? And what has happened ?? "I keep asking, but he just smiled and kept walking with arms around ..
"Kak..kau do not want to answer ??"
He smiled and asked me. "Do you like this place ??"
"Ya..ini most beautiful place I've ever seen."
"One moment you're also going to stay here .."
"Is It True ?? Are you also going to stay here ?? "
He nodded and smiled kembali.Wajahnya so shining and it looks much more tampan.Ketika he smiled, somehow I feel much more confident he is happy disini..Tapi tenang..Aku, if he does not feel lonely ??
"I'm happy disini..Dan I will always accompanied by people who baik.Kau calm."
"Sister, you can read my mind ??"
Suddenly a white light shone from atas.Cahayanya not dazzling but made very shining ..
"It's time you come back .."
"Sister, what do you mean ?? KAK..KAK..KAKAK .. !!! "
"Gizza I will always love you, no matter what happens ..."
Am I still in my country ?? Does this belong to a noble ?? Or is it sights ?? Oh Tuhan..aku really - really do not know where I sekarang..Taman this immense, but if there is no one single person here ??
As I berjalan..tiba suddenly I saw someone from kejauhan.Aku not sure what I mengenalnya.Tapi seems the man walked into arahku.Mungkin I could ask him something ..
When he started to get closer, I felt like mengenalnya.Dari distance she looks very not asing.Dia..seperti ..
"Brother ..." I immediately approached him and hugged him ..
Ya..aku mengenalnya..sangat mengenalnya.Dia is my brother one-satunya.Tapi why he is also here ?? She also wore her clothes look more radiant putih.Tapi than aku.Tubuhnya such as issuing light putih.Indah once ..
"Kak..sedang what are you doing here ?? And why I'm also here ?? Actually, what is this place ?? And what has happened ?? "I keep asking, but he just smiled and kept walking with arms around ..
"Kak..kau do not want to answer ??"
He smiled and asked me. "Do you like this place ??"
"Ya..ini most beautiful place I've ever seen."
"One moment you're also going to stay here .."
"Is It True ?? Are you also going to stay here ?? "
He nodded and smiled kembali.Wajahnya so shining and it looks much more tampan.Ketika he smiled, somehow I feel much more confident he is happy disini..Tapi tenang..Aku, if he does not feel lonely ??
"I'm happy disini..Dan I will always accompanied by people who baik.Kau calm."
"Sister, you can read my mind ??"
Suddenly a white light shone from atas.Cahayanya not dazzling but made very shining ..
"It's time you come back .."
"Sister, what do you mean ?? KAK..KAK..KAKAK .. !!! "
"Gizza I will always love you, no matter what happens ..."
"Nona..kau already aware ??"
With some difficulty, I tried to open my eyes .. 'Where is this ?? Who is this woman? I do not know .. '
Not long after came a young man dressed in white ...
"Miss, thank goodness you've sadar.Saya will check your condition sekarang.Suster please help me."
'So her sister ?? But where is he ?? '
"Ak..a .. '' my voice knp ?? ' My throat hurts ..
"Miss, are you okay ??"
"Ka..kak ??" with pain, I tried my voice sounded very hoarse ..
"Miss, you'd better have a lot to save the first suaramu.Kau istirahat.Kau been unconscious for almost 3 weeks .." The young man continued to persuade me.
'So this man is a doctor and the hospital ?? What happened ?? "I'm trying mengingatnya..tapi ..
'Akh..kepalaku hurts' I kept holding kepalaku..Sepertinya head bandaged ..
"Dok..ini unexpected kita.Nona..kau very lucky .." The nurse smiled at me.
"But he still had to undergo a lot of pemeriksaan.Suster Can you make a schedule for examination ..." The nurse nodded and smiled at me.
"And now you can go .."
Soon the sisters were out ..
"Thank God, you've sadar..Aku know you would be aware .." She grabbed my hand ..
'Why is she crying ?? What he knew me ?? '
"Ka..kak ??" With stammering, once again I'm trying to hold sakitku.Jelas look of surprise on his face when I mention kakakku.Apa happened?
"Forgive aku..dia..dia .." The young doctor holding my hand trying to hold tangisnya.Ia with erat.Tangannya vibrate and dingin.Sepertinya he was hiding something dariku.Ia not even dare look at my eyes.
'What is wrong ?? Where is he ?? Why is she crying ?? Quickly say ... '
"Dia..dia ...." His eyes filled - glass and her voice trembled.
'What is this ?? my brother why ?? why with her ?? '
"You'd better break saja.Setelah your condition improves, I will personally accompany menemuinya.Kau calm ... ..Semuanya will be fine .." He tried to calm me down, but I felt there was something he kept hidden dariku.Ketika pronounce final sentence , dreamy look in his eyes, as if he were talking to himself.
What's wrong with my brother ?? Whatever terjadi..Aku hope he is fine ...
With some difficulty, I tried to open my eyes .. 'Where is this ?? Who is this woman? I do not know .. '
Not long after came a young man dressed in white ...
"Miss, thank goodness you've sadar.Saya will check your condition sekarang.Suster please help me."
'So her sister ?? But where is he ?? '
"Ak..a .. '' my voice knp ?? ' My throat hurts ..
"Miss, are you okay ??"
"Ka..kak ??" with pain, I tried my voice sounded very hoarse ..
"Miss, you'd better have a lot to save the first suaramu.Kau istirahat.Kau been unconscious for almost 3 weeks .." The young man continued to persuade me.
'So this man is a doctor and the hospital ?? What happened ?? "I'm trying mengingatnya..tapi ..
'Akh..kepalaku hurts' I kept holding kepalaku..Sepertinya head bandaged ..
"Dok..ini unexpected kita.Nona..kau very lucky .." The nurse smiled at me.
"But he still had to undergo a lot of pemeriksaan.Suster Can you make a schedule for examination ..." The nurse nodded and smiled at me.
"And now you can go .."
Soon the sisters were out ..
"Thank God, you've sadar..Aku know you would be aware .." She grabbed my hand ..
'Why is she crying ?? What he knew me ?? '
"Ka..kak ??" With stammering, once again I'm trying to hold sakitku.Jelas look of surprise on his face when I mention kakakku.Apa happened?
"Forgive aku..dia..dia .." The young doctor holding my hand trying to hold tangisnya.Ia with erat.Tangannya vibrate and dingin.Sepertinya he was hiding something dariku.Ia not even dare look at my eyes.
'What is wrong ?? Where is he ?? Why is she crying ?? Quickly say ... '
"Dia..dia ...." His eyes filled - glass and her voice trembled.
'What is this ?? my brother why ?? why with her ?? '
"You'd better break saja.Setelah your condition improves, I will personally accompany menemuinya.Kau calm ... ..Semuanya will be fine .." He tried to calm me down, but I felt there was something he kept hidden dariku.Ketika pronounce final sentence , dreamy look in his eyes, as if he were talking to himself.
What's wrong with my brother ?? Whatever terjadi..Aku hope he is fine ...
*****
December, 1993
"Gizza..kau wait here, do not go-mana..Ibu have to go buy something."
"Mother was not long right ??"
My mother was crying and kept stroking wajahku.Kemudian he left me in a park near home asuhan.Saat I was very scared, but I'm sure he would come back to pick me up.
I just sat there on the park bench as he kept looking at his back until he disappeared from sight.
It has been nearly four hours since he left, and I began menangis.Aku very hungry and tired, but I'm afraid if I go, the mother will return and khawatir.Aku afraid mother could not menemukanku.Jadi, I decided to stay here.
"Gizza..kau wait here, do not go-mana..Ibu have to go buy something."
"Mother was not long right ??"
My mother was crying and kept stroking wajahku.Kemudian he left me in a park near home asuhan.Saat I was very scared, but I'm sure he would come back to pick me up.
I just sat there on the park bench as he kept looking at his back until he disappeared from sight.
It has been nearly four hours since he left, and I began menangis.Aku very hungry and tired, but I'm afraid if I go, the mother will return and khawatir.Aku afraid mother could not menemukanku.Jadi, I decided to stay here.
Not much later, the sky became dark and the rain started turun.Tidak need a long time until I started to wet kuyup.Aku really bingung.Apa should I do ?? I was just crying and continued to cry.
My body began menggigil.Aku bend my legs and pressed them together in pelukku while submerging my face.
"Mother, I takut..cepat back .." I can not stop crying ..
"You are okay ?? What are you doing here ?? You're soaked. "
I lifted my head and saw it for the first kalinya.Anak this man roughly his age older dariku.Aku kept looking wajahnya.Aku not know what should I did.I can only menangis.Dan suddenly he pulled my hand ...
"I do not want to go ... I want to wait for the mother." I continue to draw tanganku.Namun he did not want to let me go.
"I'll help look for ibumu.Tapi now we have to take shelter dulu.Kau will definitely hurt. You want to see your mother worried? "
I still do not want to move from tempatku.'Bagaimana when the mother returned and could not find me? '
"We will be back here if the rain had berhenti.Aku promise .."
I do not know why suddenly I felt the words benar.Mungkin because my body could not withstand the cold at this time.
Then I ran mengikutinya.Saat it, he kept clutching my hand and just kept berlari.Dan I never know if it was the day last saw his mother ..
"Mother, I takut..cepat back .." I can not stop crying ..
"You are okay ?? What are you doing here ?? You're soaked. "
I lifted my head and saw it for the first kalinya.Anak this man roughly his age older dariku.Aku kept looking wajahnya.Aku not know what should I did.I can only menangis.Dan suddenly he pulled my hand ...
"I do not want to go ... I want to wait for the mother." I continue to draw tanganku.Namun he did not want to let me go.
"I'll help look for ibumu.Tapi now we have to take shelter dulu.Kau will definitely hurt. You want to see your mother worried? "
I still do not want to move from tempatku.'Bagaimana when the mother returned and could not find me? '
"We will be back here if the rain had berhenti.Aku promise .."
I do not know why suddenly I felt the words benar.Mungkin because my body could not withstand the cold at this time.
Then I ran mengikutinya.Saat it, he kept clutching my hand and just kept berlari.Dan I never know if it was the day last saw his mother ..
*****
Since that day, I just could menangis.Aku missed my mother, but he never came menjemputku.Setiap day I always come back to the park, and hope to see mothers who are menungguku.Namun, hopes worth sia.Ia never come back to see me ,
The boy kept his promise, he is always with me looking ibu.Meskipun I had felt very angry with him, because if only the day that I do not follow it, surely I could meet with ibuku.Tapi far only he who always cheer me up and he with me anywhere I pergi.Ia told me once that he would never leave me and will keep its promise, because he also felt that I rasakan.Hanya I might still be able to meet my mother, but he can only hope to see her mother in mimpi.Ia even do not know how his mother's face.
I felt very sorry for him, but he had never seen sedih.Ia says he does not want to see people feel sorry padanya.Menurutnya it is useless, it will only make you worse off and sedih.Umurnya was 9 years old, but a lot of things had she passed that makes it far more mature than children seumurnya.Diapun has now become a big brother figure and mother and also my father.
I pass my days in this orphanage bersamanya.Hari turned into weeks, and does not feel 10 years have passed, but I still could not find ibuku.Aku and my brother decided to get out of the orphanage and see the world outside.We decided to go to school Our level to college and working part time to finance our lives berdua.Meskipun have struggled, but we both agreed to lead a normal life just like everyone else who has a family.
Our relations are increasingly dekat.Tidak never separated by apapun.Dan he has become part of diriku.Aku promise will never leave or forget it, whatever happens.
Until one day ....
I must lose my life for selamanya..Dan turned into a very messy ..
I must lose my life for selamanya..Dan turned into a very messy ..
*****
April,2011
"Gizza..sampai when are you going to live like this ??" He kept after me even though I did not pay attention.
"What are you worried about my life ??" I keep running regardless itu.Mendengar male voice just makes my blood memanas.Ia continue to see me even though I always throw or snapped. This morning, as usual he had been waiting for return bekerja.Ia really made me always lose kesabaran.Rasanya I'd love to get rid of my sight forever.
He grabbed my arm and held erat.Aku tried to pull, but all useless saja..ia still not willing to let go of his grip ..
"Now what do you want? Why do you always appear before me ??" I held my anger memuncak.Napasku increasingly breathless, I involuntarily clenched hands with erat.Kuku - digging my nails and scar in the palm of tanganku.Namun I do not feel pain. This anger has sucked all my feelings.
"Gizza..sampai when are you going to live like this ??" He kept after me even though I did not pay attention.
"What are you worried about my life ??" I keep running regardless itu.Mendengar male voice just makes my blood memanas.Ia continue to see me even though I always throw or snapped. This morning, as usual he had been waiting for return bekerja.Ia really made me always lose kesabaran.Rasanya I'd love to get rid of my sight forever.
He grabbed my arm and held erat.Aku tried to pull, but all useless saja..ia still not willing to let go of his grip ..
"Now what do you want? Why do you always appear before me ??" I held my anger memuncak.Napasku increasingly breathless, I involuntarily clenched hands with erat.Kuku - digging my nails and scar in the palm of tanganku.Namun I do not feel pain. This anger has sucked all my feelings.
"Why do you want to destroy your own life ?? Are you crazy ??" He shouted louder dariku.Ia stared into my eyes.
"That's none of your business ... !!!!" I keep trying to release the grip.
"Stop acting like this.I just want membantumu.Kau could actually lose consciousness if you continue to behave like this."
"I was already gila..Aku is completely crazy .. So do not ever appear again dihadapanku..Melihatmu increasingly made gila..Aku please get out of my life ... And you know why I like this .. Doctor ...."
Arrived - arrived he immediately took off genggamannya.Tangannya slumped and his eyes staring blankly bawah.Wajahnya immediately turned pale.
"That's none of your business ... !!!!" I keep trying to release the grip.
"Stop acting like this.I just want membantumu.Kau could actually lose consciousness if you continue to behave like this."
"I was already gila..Aku is completely crazy .. So do not ever appear again dihadapanku..Melihatmu increasingly made gila..Aku please get out of my life ... And you know why I like this .. Doctor ...."
Arrived - arrived he immediately took off genggamannya.Tangannya slumped and his eyes staring blankly bawah.Wajahnya immediately turned pale.
I left without memperdulikannya.Aku continue to run, but do not know where tujuanku.Aku kept thinking, but do not know what I was pikirkan.Mataku looking to the future, but do not know what I lihat.Semuanya still feels heavy untukku.Meskipun already 3 years have passed, but it seems I still have not found kesadaranku.Aku surprised, that I can survive until then ini.Menjalani live like this, it's really draining and pikiranku.Apa should I do to end it all?
*****
"Hey, Gizza ... Until when are you going like this ?? You really are crazy .. !! Why did you leave the doctor ?? He just wants to help .. !! "I kept after him, even though he never memperdulikanku.
Although he never listened to me, I'm still looking for it and talking padanya.Aku no matter he did not notice me, because it can see it live day has made me tenang.Setidaknya he was still able to breathe and decide to stay alive.
Although he never listened to me, I'm still looking for it and talking padanya.Aku no matter he did not notice me, because it can see it live day has made me tenang.Setidaknya he was still able to breathe and decide to stay alive.
Arrived - suddenly he stopped langkahnya.Ia seen was thinking, and not long before he walked lagi.Kali this with a definite purpose, because the pace seen over terarah.Namun when arrived at the destination, I gasped and stood in front of him.
"Stupid girl, this time you should not be here .." I stop him when he decides stepped into the small shop ini.Namun memperdulikanku of course he does not walk into a store and kept it.
"Stupid girl, this time you should not be here .." I stop him when he decides stepped into the small shop ini.Namun memperdulikanku of course he does not walk into a store and kept it.
"You want to buy instant noodles again miss ??" aunt shopkeeper was highly skeptical, although he believes there was never any other items that have been purchased by the woman in tokonya.Dan guess aunt was right, Gizza nodded.
"Are you sure ??" Even though he has got the answer, but he still ragu.Karena for several years, only a few packets of instant noodles is what has always been a young woman ini.Setelah groceries a few days later, he would go back to this store and buy lagi.Begitulah so on ...
"Auntie, please give it padaku..Aku should immediately go to work."
Although hesitant, aunt shopkeeper was still giving the Gizza.
"Auntie, please do not give it to him." I tried to grab the plastic, but my efforts sia- sia.Aku certainly can not touch it.
After pay, he went out and left the small shop.
"Oh ... it's my aunt told me not to give padanya..kenapa you sell padanya.Seharusnya advise you ..." But the aunt was ignored.
"Hah..percuma course, you can not hear .." I ran away from the store and chase Gizza.
Today, as usual ... Gizza going home and cooking mie.Kemudian go to sleep for a few hours and return to work.
It works in two different places in the first hari.Dari 11 noon until 8 pm, it will work as a dishwasher in a restaurant kecil.Kemudian he will continue his work in the minimarket until 7am.
"Are you sure ??" Even though he has got the answer, but he still ragu.Karena for several years, only a few packets of instant noodles is what has always been a young woman ini.Setelah groceries a few days later, he would go back to this store and buy lagi.Begitulah so on ...
"Auntie, please give it padaku..Aku should immediately go to work."
Although hesitant, aunt shopkeeper was still giving the Gizza.
"Auntie, please do not give it to him." I tried to grab the plastic, but my efforts sia- sia.Aku certainly can not touch it.
After pay, he went out and left the small shop.
"Oh ... it's my aunt told me not to give padanya..kenapa you sell padanya.Seharusnya advise you ..." But the aunt was ignored.
"Hah..percuma course, you can not hear .." I ran away from the store and chase Gizza.
Today, as usual ... Gizza going home and cooking mie.Kemudian go to sleep for a few hours and return to work.
It works in two different places in the first hari.Dari 11 noon until 8 pm, it will work as a dishwasher in a restaurant kecil.Kemudian he will continue his work in the minimarket until 7am.
Seeing it live and work like this every day makes me gila.Rasanya I want to die a second time. I'd love to help, but no one ever can I do untuknya.Ini made me even more miserable.
Although sometimes I think this is much better, as he busied himself and melupakanku.Tapi if he continues like this, he will fall sakit.Lalu who will membantunya.Gadis ini..kau really - really made me suffer.
*****
"You know, if you really work disana..aku will never forgive you."
"But kak ... It was all that I can lakukan.Bagaimana maybe I could say anything to see work continue - on like this ?? "He still ignored me, though I continue - constantly begging him.
"Sis, I've been trying to find a job other.But no time is there a salary cocok.Dan great..I also can keep myself sendiri.Kau not need mncemaskanku..Ya .." I tried to convince him and looked into his eyes.
"Hey, girl bodoh..Memangnya you think the place what it is ?? If I let you work there, it means the same thing I sell you. "
"Brother ....... !!!!!!! Why do you say that ?? "The word - he makes my emotions meninggi.Bagaimana maybe he could say such a thing ..
I really - really annoyed to hear talk like it.I intend to leave them alone, but arrived - he got hold of my hand and looked into my eyes.
"You do not have to worry about keuangan.Aku can handle sendiri.Kau just need to learn more giat.Apapun that happens we have to finish our education with value baik.Dengan so, we can realize our dreams."
"But kak .."
"You do not need khawatir.Semuanya be good - good saja.Kalau need I will sell the motor ku.Tidak cemaskan.Kau nothing need you to understand that ?? "He said it with tenang.Namun I know, there was sadness in matanya.Ia aware of it and did not dare look at me.
"But kak ... It was all that I can lakukan.Bagaimana maybe I could say anything to see work continue - on like this ?? "He still ignored me, though I continue - constantly begging him.
"Sis, I've been trying to find a job other.But no time is there a salary cocok.Dan great..I also can keep myself sendiri.Kau not need mncemaskanku..Ya .." I tried to convince him and looked into his eyes.
"Hey, girl bodoh..Memangnya you think the place what it is ?? If I let you work there, it means the same thing I sell you. "
"Brother ....... !!!!!!! Why do you say that ?? "The word - he makes my emotions meninggi.Bagaimana maybe he could say such a thing ..
I really - really annoyed to hear talk like it.I intend to leave them alone, but arrived - he got hold of my hand and looked into my eyes.
"You do not have to worry about keuangan.Aku can handle sendiri.Kau just need to learn more giat.Apapun that happens we have to finish our education with value baik.Dengan so, we can realize our dreams."
"But kak .."
"You do not need khawatir.Semuanya be good - good saja.Kalau need I will sell the motor ku.Tidak cemaskan.Kau nothing need you to understand that ?? "He said it with tenang.Namun I know, there was sadness in matanya.Ia aware of it and did not dare look at me.
How could he sell his beloved racing bike that he had long itu.Motor desire-idamkan.Dan he got it hard payah.Meskipun used bike, but he bought with his savings for several years.
We just stopped in some saat.Kemudian he left me alone in the house we rented.
Ya..Setelah we left the orphanage, we rented a house kecil.Mungkin it can not be called home, because this place has only one room that is slightly larger than the other rooms we use as a bedroom and dining room, 1 kitchenette and 1 bathroom.
Ya..Setelah we left the orphanage, we rented a house kecil.Mungkin it can not be called home, because this place has only one room that is slightly larger than the other rooms we use as a bedroom and dining room, 1 kitchenette and 1 bathroom.
Although we lived together, but we never slept bersama.Itu which made me even more mencintainya.Dia honored as a woman, she always has another sweeter way to express his feelings.
And of course he rarely, if ever was in our house, because he was always busy with pekerjaannya.Pagi until noon, he had to go kuliah..setelah that he went to work in a restaurant as a waiter until he hari.Kemudian afternoon continue working in the bar until he pagi.Dan more often sleep in the bar and went to the campus of there.We could only meet on campus and when he gets off of his work it.
Seeing it live and work like this every day makes me want to die melihatnya.Aku gila.Rasanya I wanted to help him, but no one ever can I do untuknya.Ini me more tersiksa.Jika he continues like this, he will fall sakit.Lalu who will be mencemaskannya.Laki - male ini..kau really - really made me sad.
Seeing it live and work like this every day makes me want to die melihatnya.Aku gila.Rasanya I wanted to help him, but no one ever can I do untuknya.Ini me more tersiksa.Jika he continues like this, he will fall sakit.Lalu who will be mencemaskannya.Laki - male ini..kau really - really made me sad.
"This time I will not mendengarkannya.Aku still be working there .." Although I doubt, I still made up my determination to work in the bar.
For a few days, of course he did not know if I'm working at the bar, because he was always busy with all pekerjaannya.Sampai one day, I was serving a tamu.Ketika it was almost morning, because I decided to take the opportunity to work overtime with salary is almost twice lipat.Tentu course I could not resist, it was an opportunity that had I waited after working nearly two weeks disana.Namun arrived - arrived, the old man began merayuku.Aku not know what should I lakukan.Pria was forced menemaninya.Namun to sit politely I menolaknya.Tentu I could not have scolded the old man, I do not want to get fired from this job.
And arrived - suddenly there is an interesting hand of belakang.Sontak I was surprised and almost lost keseimbanganku.Aku turn heads quickly and directly opposite the sister who looked at me with a frown unhappy.
"Brother ?? "I muttered in a voice like tercekik.Mataku widened kaget.Aku totally did not expect the meeting at a time like this.
"Come with me .." He said it without looking at me as she gripped my arm with a very attractive erat.Ia hand with paksa.Dengan instant drink I take it fell and wet clothes itu.Sontan old man alone, the man stood up and yelled.
"Come with me .." He said it without looking at me as she gripped my arm with a very attractive erat.Ia hand with paksa.Dengan instant drink I take it fell and wet clothes itu.Sontan old man alone, the man stood up and yelled.
I tried to clean stains from clothes and drink it celananya.Tapi still the old man continued to yell at me and memakiku.Dan arrived - arrived alone ..
'Buk' Male - old man fell down to lantai.Tepi bloody lips and cheeks slightly bruised.
I was shocked and could not say anything apa.Namun first thought in my mind is this time I would really - really fired.
"What do you think ?? Come with me now .. "sister arrived - suddenly pulled my hand and interrupted lamunanku.Aku could only follow it without being able to do anything.
'Buk' Male - old man fell down to lantai.Tepi bloody lips and cheeks slightly bruised.
I was shocked and could not say anything apa.Namun first thought in my mind is this time I would really - really fired.
"What do you think ?? Come with me now .. "sister arrived - suddenly pulled my hand and interrupted lamunanku.Aku could only follow it without being able to do anything.
Immediately we became a spectacle of visitors bar.Para bartender approached us and started attacking kakak.Ia had shied away from some of boxing that drifted towards him and had punched jaw pria.Aku some people can only stand rooted to the open mouth shut belakangnya.Dan width every time he saw the affected brother pukulan.Aku feel my heart pounding and my legs feels lemas.Setelah some time we finally managed to escape ..
When we arrived outside the bar, I like just got kesadaranku.Dengan fast, I tried to remove his hand from tanganku.Ia surprised and looked at me straight ..
"I do not want pergi..Aku not want to get fired .."
"Are you crazy ?? Come with me now .." He pulled back, but I still insist to remain in place itu.Ia turned and looked into my eyes tajam.Raut face it ... as long as I bersamanya..hanya few times he showed that expression .I did not dare look at her face let alone matanya.Karena I know, it means that his emotions were in the highest peak.
He led me up the motornya.Dan we drove quickly left the bar.
And then, I realized ... .hujan down ...
When we arrived outside the bar, I like just got kesadaranku.Dengan fast, I tried to remove his hand from tanganku.Ia surprised and looked at me straight ..
"I do not want pergi..Aku not want to get fired .."
"Are you crazy ?? Come with me now .." He pulled back, but I still insist to remain in place itu.Ia turned and looked into my eyes tajam.Raut face it ... as long as I bersamanya..hanya few times he showed that expression .I did not dare look at her face let alone matanya.Karena I know, it means that his emotions were in the highest peak.
He led me up the motornya.Dan we drove quickly left the bar.
And then, I realized ... .hujan down ...
I woke up and immediately sat stiff ... My body froze and my eyes staring blankly looking sesuatu.Kemudian rotating depan.Kepalaku I paused again and now just sit silent while bending my legs into his arms and stared at him kosong.Dan turns out I bermimpi..Ia even get into my dream.
Today it seems I was so frail and trembling bertenaga.Tubuhku not remember dreams itu.Kejadian 3 years ago penetrated into mimpiku.Tanpa command, my mind started to play my memory kebelakang.Saat 3 years we are still together, laughing and doing a lot of things together.
Today it seems I was so frail and trembling bertenaga.Tubuhku not remember dreams itu.Kejadian 3 years ago penetrated into mimpiku.Tanpa command, my mind started to play my memory kebelakang.Saat 3 years we are still together, laughing and doing a lot of things together.
And that's when a fragile piece of control myself instantly shattered - keping.Air this eye fell one persatu.Dan memecah.Aku tears covered my mouth with one hand, I think it could withstand the increasingly kencang.Namun tears I could not control myself anymore, can not help shaking my body lagi.Seluruh kencang.Kali I let the sobs and tears spilled out.I can not help it even though I wanted to..I hoped, so the pain and grief can be reduced even if only sedikit.Dan I pressed one hand to dada.Rasanya painful, as there was a large wound that never dried.
*****
"Gizza, you know ?? The most thing I liked at once scared me was when I saw tertidur.Kau know why? "The word - I said stalled waiting for an answer like that, I know, not to be missed.
I observe every part of his face and wanted to caress wajahnya.Rasanya long ago I did ini.Namun hand movement stopped, I realized I could not unstoppable lagi..tapi menyentuhnya.Air my eyes I immediately delete it, tear it seems I'm afraid this will fall into his face and woke him up.
"You look like a baby tertidur.Damai and quiet, as not to know all the problems that exist in world.However when you're asleep I'm also afraid you will not wake up again from tidurmu.Itu mean I can not see you anymore ..." I continued word - kataku.Rasanya I want once he heard ku.Tapi it impossible terjadi.Betapa tortured me aware of it.
I observe every part of his face and wanted to caress wajahnya.Rasanya long ago I did ini.Namun hand movement stopped, I realized I could not unstoppable lagi..tapi menyentuhnya.Air my eyes I immediately delete it, tear it seems I'm afraid this will fall into his face and woke him up.
"You look like a baby tertidur.Damai and quiet, as not to know all the problems that exist in world.However when you're asleep I'm also afraid you will not wake up again from tidurmu.Itu mean I can not see you anymore ..." I continued word - kataku.Rasanya I want once he heard ku.Tapi it impossible terjadi.Betapa tortured me aware of it.
As I was trying to try to touch, arrived - arrived he was shocked and suddenly retreated terbangun.Aku menghindarinya.Aku think I have managed to menyentuhnya.Namun apparently I was wrong.
He looks like terkejut.Ia awoke and sat up straight, his body froze and his eyes staring blankly into depan.Kepalanya spinning like he was looking for sesuatu.Kemudian he paused again and now just sit transfixed while bending his legs into his arms and stared at him blankly.
He looks like terkejut.Ia awoke and sat up straight, his body froze and his eyes staring blankly into depan.Kepalanya spinning like he was looking for sesuatu.Kemudian he paused again and now just sit transfixed while bending his legs into his arms and stared at him blankly.
"You had a nightmare ?? Why did you wake up like that ?? "I'm very anxious to get back menghampirinya.Aku itu.Apa actual attitude which he dreamed? Why did he stare like that ??
Moments later, he cried with tersedu.Tubuhnya shook and she was sobbing - sobbing as outside kendalinya.Ia pressing his palms on dada.Belum ever I saw this girl crying like that, even after the incident a few years ago.
Moments later, he cried with tersedu.Tubuhnya shook and she was sobbing - sobbing as outside kendalinya.Ia pressing his palms on dada.Belum ever I saw this girl crying like that, even after the incident a few years ago.
When first he knew I was gone, I did not even see menangis.Ia just stood in front of my grave and her gaze vaguely kosong.Meski I saw her eyes filled - the glass, but I did not see a drop of tears that jatuh.Aku thought it would be good - saja.Namun now I hope that time he wept and shed all kesedihannya.Dengan so he could live a normal life now.
Now I can only see him crying like itu.Apa can I do ??
"Stupid girl ,, I mohon..berhentilah..Meski you keep crying like that, I would never go back ..."
Without felt the tears fall and increasingly deras.Rasanya I can feel what is now perceived by women this.I wanted to hug him and hope can reduce the sense sakitnya.Menghapus menenangkannya.Namun tears and I could do now was look at him and hope he soon returned as Gizza the past, to live with senyumnya.Aku really - really tortured today.
"Tersenyumlah..meski only once ... if only it were necessary sekilas..Aku mohon.Hanya you lakukan..Agar memelukmu..meski I could just snap."
"Stupid girl ,, I mohon..berhentilah..Meski you keep crying like that, I would never go back ..."
Without felt the tears fall and increasingly deras.Rasanya I can feel what is now perceived by women this.I wanted to hug him and hope can reduce the sense sakitnya.Menghapus menenangkannya.Namun tears and I could do now was look at him and hope he soon returned as Gizza the past, to live with senyumnya.Aku really - really tortured today.
"Tersenyumlah..meski only once ... if only it were necessary sekilas..Aku mohon.Hanya you lakukan..Agar memelukmu..meski I could just snap."
*****
I turned my feet with gontai.Seperti without purpose, without power and without arah.Sejak awoke from the dream, I can not fall asleep again.But strangely I was not sleepy at all, just that I was not bertenaga.Rasanya today I just wanted to dwell yourself at home, just quiet without doing apapun.Tidak there who want me lakukan.Namun I still have to go to work, because it is only one - the only way I can forget my problems for a moment.
After last for hours - hours, finally I could finish pekerjaanku.Tiba - suddenly I feel my legs felt very heavy lemas.Kepalaku and stomach arrived - arrived as terkuras.Rasanya very nauseous and perih.Tapi as usual, I never memperdulikannya.Rasa pain in my heart much larger than all the pain that I felt during ini.Apa fortunately when I went to the hospital ?? This pain may be recovered, but what next ?? I will be longer in the world and forever in pain hotel.Not none can cure it.
As I walked out of the restaurant, arrived - arrived just gaze spinning - rotate and vibrate lemas.Aku my feet just kept running without memperdulikannya while continuing to hold my stomach feels very sakit.Berkali - times, I felt extremely nauseous sangat.Sesekali I stopped and back.However then continued my path, my feet instantly tubuhku.Aku can not sustain a fall and an instant later I only heard the sound of people - those who berteriak.Pandanganku increasingly blurred, however faint -samar I still can see people - people crowding mengelilingiku.Dan at that time, I saw him ... cry ...
"Brother .." And a moment and then everything went black.
"Brother .." And a moment and then everything went black.
*****
"Bodoh..Kau right -Right silly girl." The doctor kept talking, even though he was aware Gizza will not be able to hear it.
I do not know what will happen to him, if the doctor is not waiting for him day this.I grateful, he is the one who is now in your life.
I do not know what will happen to him, if the doctor is not waiting for him day this.I grateful, he is the one who is now in your life.
"This time let alone excuse ?? Do you really - really want to leave all of this ?? Stupid girl ..! "He continued to observe Gizza body which was lying with his eyes closed.
"You know ?? your body is not a machine, you should have adequate rest periods, at least you have to eat - the food was decent for this body! "
I saw him holding her hand and calm itu.Rasa pain mixed in dadaku.Tidak nothing I can do, to see the woman I loved was lying like that, with a man in sisinya.Rasa angry, disappointed, upset, calm all jumbled .Dadaku feels like going meledak.Dan I might not see it any longer ...
"... Now you're safe Gizza bersamanya.Aku will leave you for a while, there are things that should I selesaikan.Sebentar lagi..kau only a short wait I will keep my promise again.And padamu.Jaga yourself - well, hold on a little again..I please. . "
And I meninggalkannya..hanya for a while ...
"You know ?? your body is not a machine, you should have adequate rest periods, at least you have to eat - the food was decent for this body! "
I saw him holding her hand and calm itu.Rasa pain mixed in dadaku.Tidak nothing I can do, to see the woman I loved was lying like that, with a man in sisinya.Rasa angry, disappointed, upset, calm all jumbled .Dadaku feels like going meledak.Dan I might not see it any longer ...
"... Now you're safe Gizza bersamanya.Aku will leave you for a while, there are things that should I selesaikan.Sebentar lagi..kau only a short wait I will keep my promise again.And padamu.Jaga yourself - well, hold on a little again..I please. . "
And I meninggalkannya..hanya for a while ...
*****
I blinked - Blinking my eyes, my head feels berat.Namun I'm trying to duduk.Dan I'm trying to remember what had happened ..
I saw an envelope on the small table beside ranjangku.Siapa who sent this ?? I was flicking - turning the envelope and I did not discover the identity of the sender.
I took out some papers from pure white envelope itu.Sebuah neat handwriting, but I still can not figure out who sent it, and I started reading it ..
I saw an envelope on the small table beside ranjangku.Siapa who sent this ?? I was flicking - turning the envelope and I did not discover the identity of the sender.
I took out some papers from pure white envelope itu.Sebuah neat handwriting, but I still can not figure out who sent it, and I started reading it ..
Gizza ...
Sorry, sorry, sorry ... I'm sorry ...
Now only sorry I can tell you ... I understand your grief, anger and all the flavors you rasakan.Aku understand, very mengerti..karena tau..akupun you feel the same way.
Sorry, sorry, sorry ... I'm sorry ...
Now only sorry I can tell you ... I understand your grief, anger and all the flavors you rasakan.Aku understand, very mengerti..karena tau..akupun you feel the same way.
Losing someone you love, a grief without batas.Kecelakaan it, I really menyesal..sungguh maaf..Maafkan aku..Tapi you ever thought, that not only you who feel that too itu.Hari I lost my sister keluargaku.Kehilangan one - satunya.Akupun never be the cause of the accident he aku..meskipun it.And I know your brother is also in need of my help, but I can not deny, I prefer to save my sister in dahulu.Meski I never, when he reached the hospital, my brother had not helped.
You know, I could not sleep well for 3 years ini.Selalu woke up in the middle of the night, and I cried in sunyi.Bukan who want to help, but I need pertolonganmu.Maafkan adikku..Biarkan which he calmly disana.Maafkan me ... let me let go of this guilt.
How miserable I see you live like this karenaku.Tidakkah ever occurred to you, the same thing was also felt kakakmu.Setiap night I always dream the same thing for 3 years.
In my dreams I see kakakmu.Dia up to me and told me to get you out of suffering ini..Aku menjagamu..Dan saw menangis..Ia not scold me, but weep before me ..
Then I woke up and I could not fall asleep lagi..Hanya silent and that comes to my mind ... just you ... That's what I experienced during these 3 years ..
I beg you ... I'm sorry ... Let me be your friend ... So that we can get through all of this bersama.Bisakah you begin to forgive me ... little by sedikit..Dan begin to live this life with normal..bersama ..
Then I woke up and I could not fall asleep lagi..Hanya silent and that comes to my mind ... just you ... That's what I experienced during these 3 years ..
I beg you ... I'm sorry ... Let me be your friend ... So that we can get through all of this bersama.Bisakah you begin to forgive me ... little by sedikit..Dan begin to live this life with normal..bersama ..
I closed my mataku.Seluruh chills and chest vibrate sesak.Bibirku beraturan.Aku not squeeze the paper - paper itu.Tanganku shaking and sweating.
Whether what now exists in my mind and what I must now did.I paused, so many things spinning in my head.
Whether what now exists in my mind and what I must now did.I paused, so many things spinning in my head.
I cut all the IV and do not care about all the pain that coursed kepalaku.Yang occurred to me today, just out of the hospital and ran ... ran ..?
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